How the Light Gets In
by bosswoman88
Summary: Deacon finds a special way to help his girls keep their mom's memory alive.
1. Chapter 1

_**Not gonna lie, It**_ _ **was hard to write this. I know we'll be seeing a lot of "alternate endings" here, and this isn't exactly that. It's just my version of how I'd like to see some of the next few episodes played out. We can't bring Rayna back, but we can definitely pay tribute to all she was, and all that #Deyna was.**_

 _ **Deacon**_

He can't sleep.

It's been a long time since he had insomnia problems. At one point in his life, he went years without ever sleeping more than 2 hours at a time. He is a person who is restless by nature. Laying in bed every night overthinking everything. Always some half-finished song in his head. Always something to worry about. When he was drinking, it was the booze that kept him from sleeping. He couldn't close his eyes without the release from reality that it brought. When he finally got sober, it took him years to learn to sleep without it.

It was different, though, after him and Rayna had gotten back together. As long as she was next to him, her leg thrown over his or her hand on his back, his mind was at ease and he was at peace. He didn't need anything to sleep except her.

 _Let it go, babe_ , she'd mumble half-awake with her head on his chest when he brought up his concerns about Maddie's new boyfriend, about that album they had to finish, about that creepy Gene guy following them around with cameras. " _We'll worry about it in the morning."_

 _Ray…._

 _Deacon, she sighed and burrowed in closer to him. Let it go. There's always tomorrow._

But now there isn't.

He looks over at her empty side of the bed now, and the ache in his chest is so tight, he has to force himself to keep breathing. Outside, a spring thunderstorm is raging, lightning cracking across the sky and rain pounding on the windows. It seems almost appropriate that it has done nothing but rain off and on for several weeks.

It's been three weeks since their world shattered. Three weeks, 2 days, and 12 hours. He knows he because he counts the time in his mind when he can't sleep; how many days since he kissed her goodbye and watched her slip away without being able to do a damn thing to stop it. How many hours that the girls have lived without their mother. How long it will be spending the rest of his life without her.

He tries to tell himself that maybe it's just the opposite. He's actually fallen asleep and it's some kind of dream that he just hasn't woken up from yet. A nightmare. But he keeps pinching himself to test that theory, to try to escape it, and he never wakes up.

Drawing in a shaky breath, Deacon rises from the bed, grabs a blanket, and heads for the music room downstairs to sleep on the couch there. At the last second, he takes the pillow too, the one that smells like her coconut shampoo, and that jasmine perfume he gave her for her last birthday.

When the thunder outside finally fades away, and the day is rising new outside, and he can hear the girls moving around in the kitchen, he still hasn't closed his eyes.

#############################

 **Maddie**

Maddie watches from the doorway of the guest bedroom while her Aunt Tandy carefully arranges things in the suitcase on the bed. Tandy is going back to California today.

She is wary. She loves Aunt Tandy. But with her mom gone now…everything is different. She's not dumb. Tandy has never thought much of her dad, and even now the tension between the two of them is obvious.

"I really think you girls should come back to California with me," Tandy says carefully as she closes and zips the suitcase. "it's not too late to change your mind. It'll be a good change for you."

"Thanks but we're doing fine." Maddie quickly changes the subject. "So when you find that necklace you mentioned will you send it to me? You know the one of grandma's you said you have? I'd really like to have it."

"I'll do that." Tandy sits down on the edge of the bed and pats the spot next to her.

But Maddie, stationary, leaning in the doorway, doesn't move. "I know exactly what you're thinking."

Tandy sighs heavily. "Maddie. Your dad is going through a lot right now. He's not _stable._ And you are not fine. Any of you."

Her mom is still everywhere in this house. Rayna's makeup is in the bathroom drawers. Her favorite boots, still in a corner of the music room where she'd kicked them off after a late night songwriting session . A leftover box from her favorite Chinese restaurant in the fridge, that nobody can seem to throw out even though it's been there for weeks. Lyrics to songs she didn't finish, scribbled on yellow notepads, left on the coffee table in the music room.

She knows Tandy is right. They're not living. They're just existing. Breathing but numb. Trying not to feel. Trying to be strong for Daphne. Trying to keep it altogether. Hanging on by a thread.

"I just worry…." Tandy's voice trails off.

"What?" Maddie says angrily. "That he's going to turn back into a raging alcoholic?"

The look on Tandy's face says that's exactly what she's worried about.

"Unbelievable," Maddie shakes her head, furious. "Where have YOU been the last year? You haven't even been here, and Teddy's in jail. Dad was the one who got us through all that, not you. I'm not going anywhere. And neither is Daphne. We needed him then and now he needs us."

Tandy doesn't look convinced, but she lets the subject drop and reluctantly rises to continue packing her bags.

A little while later, they are biding her goodbye with hugs at the front door while a car waits to take her to the airport for her early morning flight.

"Call me if you need anything," Tandy says repeatedly as she ruffles Daphne's hair. It is not overlooked by Deacon that she directs the comment towards Daphne. Yes, he's grateful for Tandy's help with the girls the last few weeks, but he's not exactly sad to see her go either.

Deacon turns away and heads for the kitchen, and Tandy shoots Maddie a raised look with her eyebrows as if to say _I told you so_.

"We won't," Maddie says firmly. "We'll be fine."

Somehow they have to find a way to get back to the land of the living on their own.

####################################################

 **Daphne**

Deacon's getting out stuff to make pancakes, because they always have pancakes on Saturday mornings and today is no different. They've been eating chocolate chip pancakes on Saturday mornings for as long as she can remember. They're her mom's favorite.

She swears Deacon looks more tired every day than the day before.

 _I'm worried about Dad,_ she's heard Maddie tell Scarlett more than once. _I don't think he ever sleeps at all. Daphne goes to school and he just sits in the music room staring at all Mom's records on the walls._

Maddie doesn't tell her that stuff. She still thinks she's a little kid and needs to be taken care of like a baby, but she's 13. She can handle stuff too.

"Can we have something else?" She says abruptly. "I don't want pancakes today."

Deacon looks up from pulling out the griddle out of the closet, surprised. "Uh…yeah I guess. How about eggs and bacon? That okay?"

"I guess." She doesn't care what they have for breakfast. She's not really hungry anyway.

She just wants the awful feeling in her stomach to go away.

 _Maybe I should have went to California with Aunt Tandy,_ Daphne thinks. _At least they could stop acting like everything is okay._

#########################################

 **Deacon**

He pretends like it's just another Saturday morning as he makes them breakfast and they sit across the counter from him.

He's trying to keep the girls in a normal routine because it seems like the right thing to do. Especially Daphne. She's been fighting him about going back to school. _I'm tired of everyone looking at me like they feel sorry for me,_ she says.

He sure as hell knows that feeling all too well.

He makes her go to school anyway. The one thing she will not do is sing. " _I'm done with choir_ ", she said with such vehemence in her voice a few nights ago. " _And you can't make me go."_

He doesn't argue with her on that one. Nobody in this house has anything to sing about right now.

"So what's your plans for the day?" he asks Maddie. "Seeing Clay later?"

He watches as she pushes her food around on her plate, not really eating. Her face has gotten thinner, and he realizes he hasn't seen her eat much in days.

"He's not really….around anymore." Maddie mumbles.

A month ago he probably would have been relieved to hear that. But now…

This is what they do now, him and Maddie. Make small talk. Act like everything's okay for Daphne's sake.

"Maybe you could take Daph to the mall or something?"

"Sure," Maddie barely looks up from her plate. She's eaten exactly three bites. "Whatever."

Daphne tries to hide the hurt on her face at the indifference in Maddie's voice, but it is obvious.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," she says in a hollow voice.

"No, it's fine, Maddie's sad attempt at a smile is clearly forced. "We'll go to the mall, okay? Get some ice cream or something. Try on clothes."

Because what you really want to do when your mother is dead is go to the mall and try on clothes.

It sounds more absurd when Deacon thinks it to himself in his own head. He's failing at this. He promised Rayna he'd do right by their girls, and he's failing.

"I'm sorry," he says, laying a hand on Daphne's shoulder. "I just thought maybe it would be good for you girls to get out for a little while."

"I know," Daphne said, her bottom lip wavering. "I know you're trying to make everything fine, Dad. It's just…"

Its just that they aren't fine. None of them are ever going to be fine again. Not until the day Rayna walks through that door and dropped her phone and keys on the counter, kissed their cheeks and says " _hey my beautiful family, how was your day?"_

And that is never going to happen. She'll never watch her children walk across the stage at their college graduations. She won't watch them walk down the aisle at their weddings, or hold their first babies. She won't be in the audience when they win their first CMA awards.

He doesn't know if he can be enough to make up for that.

For the first time, he wonders if Tandy was right. Maybe they would have been better off with her. She'd been through this with Ray when their lost their mom. She knows what to say at least.

Maddie's phone buzzes and she glances at it. "It's Scarlett." She murmurs. "She wants to know if we want to come for dinner later."

Scarlett has been a lifesaver through all this. She's seen him at his lowest points before. She knows how he gets.

 _"Deacon, you gotta talk about it. You can't keep bottling it up. I know you. I know how you keep things inside. Talk to me, talk to a counselor. Someone."_

 _"What do you want me to say? My wife is dead. My kids are miserable. I can't change it. I can't fix it for them, Scar. I can't bring her back."_

 _"You're right. But you need to cry, scream, or something. Because you acting like you're fine, the girls think they need to be that way too. And that's not good for them either."_

He knows Scarlett is right but that doesn't make it any easier to do it.

Rayna is gone. And she's not coming back. Ever.

"Come on," he says abruptly, taking the plates away from them and setting them in the sink. "We're getting out of here."

Maddie looks up bleakly as if she hadn't really heard him. "What?"

Daphne looks doubtful. "Dad, no offense, but that mall thing…."

"We're not going to the mall, forget that," he gently herds them towards the door.

"It's raining, you know," Daphne informs.

As he pulls open the door, he realizes she's right. The day is overcast and its pouring.

It seems appropriate somehow that they haven't seen the sun for days.

They dodge through the raindrops to his truck and climb inside. The girls are running together, holding hands, laughing, and for a second it lightens his heart to hear them laugh even just a little.

He drives, formulating the idea in his head.

Maddie leans her head against the side window. Daphne is quiet in the backseat.

"Want to turn the radio on?" He asks Maddie.

Maddie shakes her head.

So they drive in silence, just the sound of the wipers on the windshield, until he pulls up in front of a ramshackle two story apartment building south of town.

"What's this?" Daphne asks, leaning over the front seat. "What are we doing here?"

Even Maddie's interest has piqued.

"Well," Deacon says, trying to figure out where to start. "I thought maybe you girls would like to see some of the places that were real special to your mom and me. And this is one of them."

Staring at that rundown apartment building, the memories come back as hard and fast as the rain outside.

 _"Well, this is…interesting," 18 year old Rayna walking through the door in her white boots and designer jeans. The whole apartment was one room, and it was small to begin with. Crammed with all Deacon's guitars and equipment, you could barely walk to the bathroom._

 _He was still trying to absorb all that had happened tonight._

 _Lamar had finally done it. Thrown her out for good._

 _"Sorry," he said, ashamed. "It's all I can afford right now." She'd grown up in a mansion in Belle Meade. Compared to that, this was…well, it wasn't nearly as pretty, that's for damn sure._

 _She saw the look on his face. "Deacon," she said, reaching for his hand. "I don't care where you live. I just want to make music with you, and we can do that anywhere."_

God, he could see her there now, in that tiny apartment like it was yesterday. She'd made it a home for them, never once complained about lugging guitar cases up and down the steps with no elevator. Never once complained when they woke up freezing in the middle of the night because the furnace was out again. Sure, they'd only stayed there two years, but she'd made it feel like home.

"See when I first met your mom, you know, your grandpa Lamar didn't like me much, and he didn't want her to be a singer," Deacon started.

Maddie nodded. "And he kicked her out."

"Right. And she lived here with me. Well when first started out, you know, we didn't have much and this was all we could afford. So we lived here the first couple years. That apartment was so small you could sit on the edge of the bed and put your feet on the couch at the same time."

"Dad, really," Maddie rolls her eyes, but she almost smiles.

"Really. I swear."

Daphne looks intrigued. "It was nicer on the inside than the outside, I hope," she says wryly.

"I don't think that's the point," Maddie pokes her sister affectionately.

"It's not," Deacon agrees. "The point is…," he says, squinting through the windshield. "that I learned a lot about myself living here with your mom. We both did. We could make music anywhere as long as we were together. Yeah, this was a crappy apartment, but she fixed it up real nice. We wrote some of our first number ones here. We realized that if we stuck together, we could make it work no matter where we lived."

Maddie nods. "Like us, right? We need to stick together."

"Right," he says quietly.

"I like hearing about you and Mom," Daphne says softly from the backseat. "I like….talking about her. I miss talking about her."

He turns to look at her over his shoulder. "You do?"

"Me too." Maddie says, chewing her bottle lip. "We just…well, we've been trying not to because we thought it hurt you."

Deacon's breathe slides out in a ragged sigh. "I thought it would hurt you to hear about her," he admits. "Guess we have some things to work on, huh? I don't want you ever, ever be afraid to talk about her. Memories are a good thing."

Daphne scrambles quickly over the front seat between them before she can change her mind and parks herself between him and Maddie. "Can you show us some other places?" she asks tentatively. "That are about you and Mom?"

"That," he says, reaching over to tug a lock of her hair. "I can definitely do. We have all afternoon. Unless you'd rather go to the mall."

On the other side of her sister, Maddie can't hold back a laugh. "No!"

"Dad," she says. "Some day we _are_ going to spend an afternoon at the mall, and you're going to wish you never brought it up."

He would spent a hundred afternoons at the damn mall if it meant keeping those smiles on their faces.

"Alright," he says, starting up the truck again. "The tour continues."…..

 **Thanks for reading! To be continued soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry if I confused anyone by changing the name of the story, but it just seemed to fit perfectly after I wrote this chapter!**

Deacon pulls the truck to a stop in front of a little café in 5 Points. It's on a side street, away from the typical downtown hustle and bustle. Just a quiet place to get a cup of coffee in the morning, or a burger at noon. A place where even if they were recognized, they wouldn't be bothered. That was part of the reason they'd started coming here, especially with all the chaos of the paparazzi after the wedding. It had been hard to find any type of alone time with the girls in and out, and Rayna so busy with Highway 65.

It is impossible to miss the "We love you Rayna" poster in the window adorned with a picture of her from the last tour, a sparkling smile lighting up her face. Those posters are hanging up everywhere. Nashville loves its Queen of Country, and it isn't just him and the girls that are hurting. The whole town is. They've lost one of their own.

Sure, this town is full of country stars. But there'll never be another one who shined quite like Rayna Jaymes.

"You and Mom came here?" Daphne asks curiously as they sit in the truck while the rain and watch the early morning patrons hurry and out of the café with their Styrofoam cups of coffee and pastry bags.

"Yep. Every Wednesday. Your mom and I had this standing lunch date," Deacon says with a melancholy smile. "The last few months. We made it non-negotiable, no matter what else was going on. Kinda kept it to ourselves a little, I guess. Sometimes…" Deacon shakes his head. "Well, if I tell you, you gotta promise not to laugh. It was her idea."

"Tell us!"

"Well sometimes your mom would walk in and pretend we'd never met," he says, his grin widening. "It was like this little game we played…. She'd pretend she was new in town and looking for a guitar player. Or lost and looking for directions."

"Oh god, my parents are total nerds," Maddie shakes her head and covers her eyes in embarrassment. But she smiles anyway.

"I think I have to agree," Daphne says wryly. "Cute. But nerdy."

Funny, he'd had this conversation with Rayna just months ago in this very restaurant the last time they were here.

" _I feel like I'm losing my touch with the girls, Ray. They used to think I was cool. Now I'm just this old guy who makes all the dad rules," he ran a hand through his hair. "Am I not cool?"_

 _Rayna, sitting across the table from him, laughed so hard she almost had tears in her eyes._

 _"Babe, they're teenagers. They're not going to think you're cool again for at least 5 years. It's like, required."_

 _He didn't look reassured._

 _She gave him a little half smile, and leaned across the table to press her lips against his. "Don't worry," she murmured. "I still think you're cool."_

 _"Oh do ya?" he smiled against her mouth._

 _"Always, babe. Since the day we met."_

"Sometimes in life you get so caught up in things…" Deacon says now, his voice catching. "Well we were trying real hard, you know? Trying to…keep us on track. Trying to make sure we didn't lose touch with each other."

Maddie looks guilty. "I'm sorry Dad, you know I am _so_ sorry. I put you guys through so much last year, and you should have been celebrating being married. Us being a family," her bottom lip wavers. "If I could go back and change everything, I never would have met Cash."

"I know, sweetie, I know you're sorry. Mom knew it too. You have to believe that," he reached over and squeezed her shoulder.

But the upset look on Maddie's face says it will take a long time to stop blaming herself for all that happened with the emancipation last year.

"Let's keep going," Daphne says quickly, before the mood falls again. "I want to see more. Is there more?"

"Course there is. Off we go."

Deacon puts the truck back into gear, and they pull back out into traffic.

After a few minutes of silence, Maddie actually reaches out and flips on the radio low, and the sound of an old Randy Travis song fills their ears.

"This is one of mom's favorites," Daphne murmurs, laying her head on her sister's shoulder.

"I know," Maddie lets out a sigh. "Mine too."

Deacon almost holds his breathe as he watches them out of the corner of his eye, listening to the lyrics. They don't sing along, but that'll come in time. At least they're letting the music back in. And he knows how much they're like Rayna, how much they need it.

 _There is a darkness_

 _That everyone must face_

 _It wants to take what's good and fair_

 _And lay it all to waste_

 _And that darkness_

 _Covers everything in sight_

 _Until it meets a single point of light_

 _All it takes is a point of light_

 _A ray of hope in the darkest night…._

####################################

Deacon parks the truck in the stadium lot and together the three of them climb the high stairs to the pedestrian bridge over the Cumberland river. Daphne has hurried ahead, happy to lead the way. The rain had slowed now to just a few stray drops here and there, and the greyness is slowly but surely sliding away, leaving the promise of a beautiful blue cloudless sky behind. It's the first time since he can't remember when that the sun has shown itself, and it's breathtaking, the way the light is breaking through.

" _We're all broken, Deacon,"_ he remembers her saying to him at one of his lowest points. " _That's how the light gets in. You just have to take those broken pieces and glue them back together into something else, something stronger."_

It has never made as much sense as it does right now.

 _I know that's you, Ray,_ he thinks silently, unable to hold back a tear or two. He quickly swipes them away before the girls see. _Showing us you're still here._

"I love it up here so much," Maddie says, leaning against the railing, the wind off the water blowing her hair back. "Mom used to bring us up here when we were little. Daphne you always wanted to run the whole bridge, and we'd get so tired chasing you."

"I remember," Daphne grins. "That's because the candy store was on the other side and down the street."

In his mind Deacon can see Rayna here so many times in this very spot. _What would you change? Everything. Nothing at all._

 _"That makes two of us."_

He'd change it all now, just to have her standing here next to him again, with the sun shining on her face, wearing that little smile she always saved just for him.

"This is where you asked Mom to marry you, right?" Daphne says wistfully.

"That's right," he says, "A couple times. She was kinda stubborn about it," he admits. "Maybe we both were."

"Well you know Mom," Maddie says wryly. "You had to make it her idea, or she wasn't giving in. On anything!"

He can see so much of Rayna in them when they laugh, that it leaves a bittersweet ache in his chest. She'll live on through her girls, no doubt. Every time he sees their smiles. Every time he hears them sing. They are the best legacy she could have ever left behind.

"We used to…come up here a lot to talk. And sometimes fight. And sometimes…well, sometimes we'd just stand here and she'd hold my hand and it just…made everything okay, you know?" He says quietly. She'd been the only one who ever knew completely how to tame his demons, how to calm the restlessness inside of him.

"She was good at that", Maddie says, fighting past the lump rising in her throat. "Making everything okay for us. Even after her and Teddy got divorced…she always put us first, no matter how much she was hurting."

"She did," Deacon says, voice coming out cracked. "She loved you girls more than anything in the entire world."

Maddie closes her eyes and tries to imagine it. For the first time she can see her mom as the same kind of young woman she is, with hopes and dreams for the future. Trying to look ahead, struggling to know what choices are the right ones.

 _Everybody makes mistakes, sweetheart. God knows I've made enough in my life. You just have to learn from them. And then dust yourself off and keep going._

 _I hope I can make you proud of me, Mom,_ she thinks silently.

Maddie reaches for her dad's hand and on the other side of her, Daphne does the same. Their eyes meet across the space in silent agreement, as if to say _Mom can't hold his hand and make it okay any more, but we can._

"It feels like she's here with us," Daphne whispers. "All around us."

As they watch, the last giant black cloud floats away, and the sun finally breaks free. It is like a gentle hand is reaching right down from heaven and touching every surface with a light so bright it almost hurts their eyes.

"Look," Maddie points, tears in her eyes, as across the last stray raindrops in the sky help to create a faint rainbow across the river.

As Deacon watches, it steals the breath from his lungs for a second.

He feels her presence in that moment so strong it's almost overwhelming. _You're broken, but not forever. Don't forget to let the light in, Deacon._

He doesn't know how to do that yet, but for these girls in front of him, he'll figure how to glue all these broken pieces back together, stronger than before.

"Come on," he says as they walk off the bridge all three of them hand in hand. "We have lots of places to see yet."

"I like this day," Daphne says contently, leaning her head against his arm as they walk. "Remembering her. It's much better than being sad."

"Me too, sweetheart. Me too."…..

 **The tour continues! Thanks so much for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

Late afternoon is approaching as the three of them settle side by side in the back of his truck, stretched out on a worn flannel blanket with their hands behind their heads. It is a quiet corner of Percy Warner park, off the main road aways, across an old stone bridge in a little cove surrounded by tall maple trees.

Deacon hasn't been here since last fall, when they'd been planning the wedding.

 _"We could do the ceremony here,"_ Rayna had suggested. But ultimately they'd both vetoed the idea. He thought they should keep this place to themselves, and she'd agreed. It has always been one of her favorite spots in Nashville.

 _"Don't worry, darlin. We got time. We'll find the perfect place for the wedding."_

He thinks a lot about time they'd let slip away, assuming tomorrow would always be there when the storm was over. How "we got time" had changed to "it's too late." How without her, every day seems to pass agonizingly slow, leaving a physical ache in his chest he doesn't think will ever go away. If it weren't for Maddie and Daphne, he'd have no reason for breathing right now. They are literally his lifeline, his reason for forcing his eyes open every morning.

" _Deacon, what are you doing?"_ _Rayna laughed when she saw him crossing the clearing to the treeline._

 _"Just putting our mark on the place,"_ _he said with a grin as he took a jackknife out of his pocket and scratched their initials into the bark of the maple tree_. _"I always wanted to do this."_

 _She shook her head, but she smiled as she walked over to stand next to him, and trace her fingers over the letters in the wood. 28 years, she'd loved him. She knew without a doubt, she'd love him until she took her last breath._

 _"How long do you think forever is?" She said softly. "Do you ever think about that?"_

 _He wrapped his arms around her from behind and pressed a kiss against her neck. "One second, isn't that how the saying goes?"_

 _"Maybe," she murmured._

 _"Guess we'll have to stay together that long so we can find out."_

He understands those words perfectly now, how one second can change everything, how it can give and take away what you thought your idea of forever was in the blink of an eye.

He knows if he walks across the wet grass to that third tree on the left, their initials will still be there, carved in the wood for all eternity, but he's not ready to face that yet.

"This is nice," Daphne sighs peacefully, her eyes closed to the sun. "No wonder Mom liked it here. It's so quiet."

"This is the first place I ever met you," Deacon says to Maddie, nudging her shoulder. "You were 8 months old. Crawling all over the place while your mama and I tried to write. I thought you were the prettiest thing I'd ever seen."

Maddie smiles, but there's a sadness around the edges, and a shadow in her eyes. "I'm glad you were there. Even if you…didn't know you were my dad then."

"She came here a lot over the years," Deacon says quietly. "Sometimes just needed to go off and be by herself for a little while. Everybody needs that once in awhile."

"I remember that one time," Maddie squints up at the sky. "When I was in second grade and I got so sick at school. And nobody could find my mom and Teddy was gone…"

"And they called me," he finishes with a nod. "I remember that. I got Rayna and we came and picked you up."

"You were the only one who knew how to find her."

"We wrote a lot of songs here, in that time in the middle…" Deacon hesitates. "Well let's just say Teddy didn't like us working together too much. So we'd come here. Sit here all afternoon and write songs and just…play music."

He can see it in his mind so clearly as if it was yesterday, a much younger Rayna sitting there on the blanket next to him with the sunlight making her hair look as if it were made of fire, a pen and a pad of paper in her hand scribbling intently.

 _She looks tired, but he sees the way her gaze looks up from writing and trails often to that precious baby girl sleeping a few feet away from them on the blanket. Rayna is a mama now, and she treasures that above everything else. Above albums and tour dates, above half finished songs…and above what they'd been or were now to each other. She'll always put her family first. And that's the way it should be._

 _Even if it hurts like hell._

 _He fingers the small copper piece in his pocket._

 _"One year, Ray," he says, unable to hide the pride in his voice. "Got my one year sober chip at last night's meeting."_

" _Oh Deacon, I'm so proud of you," she actually has tears in her eyes as she reaches across the blanket to hug him. It's a rarity. They stay on the other side of that line. But the hug lingers, maybe just a little longer than it should._

 _"Thanks for not losing faith in me, Ray."_

 _And Rayna is full out crying when he pulls away from her._

 _He sees her glance at her beautiful sweet baby girl, fast asleep with the thumb in her mouth. "Deacon, I just….want to tell you…."_

 _He doesn't know what she's holding back, but it always lingers. That sense that there's something she's leaving out._

 _'What, Ray?" he reaches over and brushes the last tear from her cheek._

 _She swallows hard. "I'm just…really proud of you Deacon. "_

 _"You sure you're okay?"_

 _"I'm fine," she says, swiping at her eyes with the back of her hand._

 _It isn't the first time he's heard her tell that lie. But today he lets it go and picks up his guitar again. He'd rather be in her band, rather be her friend than not have Rayna in his life. And some secret part of him never gives up hope that it won't be this way forever. They have lots of time._

Daphne sits up, swinging her legs on the end of the tailgate. "What about me?" She asks hesitantly. "Do you remember the first time you ever met me?"

He sees the need for reassurance in her eyes. They haven't really talked much about what happened after the funeral, the way Teddy and Tandy had tried to force her to "choose." It was a hell of a huge burden to put on a kid who had just lost her mother to now have to pick between two dads. He didn't know if he'd ever forgive them for that.

"Of course," Deacon says instantly. "I met you when you were a few months old. Your mama was damned bound and determined to bring you girls on tour, and everybody told her she was crazy, but she did it. Nobody got any sleep on that bus for six months."

"Dad, really." She looks embarrassed, but there is a little smile. "Mom always said I was a "spirited baby"," she emphasized.

"Yeah, you were," Maddie says wryly as she sits up on the other side of her sister and brushes her hair back from her face. "You screamed whenever anyone put you down. Dad, I remember falling asleep on the bus every night listening to you and mom play when I was little. I missed that so much when we stopped going on tour with her."

"I want both of you to know," he said quietly, looking them each in the eye. "I loved both of you from the moment I met you. Because you were your mama's. Don't ever, ever doubt that."

They hug, the three of them, and he thinks that even though this day hurts a little, it was a good idea, a little bit of glue to put their pieces back together.

"We love you too, Dad."

As their arms wrap around him, he has never been more grateful that of all the thing Rayna gave him in her life on this earth, there is absolutely nothing that could come close to how it feels to be given the chance to be their dad.

"I've been thinking about something else," Deacon says finally, cautiously. "And I want you girls to be honest how you feel about it. I've been thinking about selling the house."

He waits for their reaction. When it comes, it isn't exactly what he expected.

"Where would we live?" Daphne asks hesitantly.

"Well. There's my house with Scarlett. And there's the cabin too. Or we could…hell, we could buy a brand new one if that's what you girls want to do. Start over?"

Maddie's face shows her contemplation. "It's hard being there," she confesses. "Without Mom. Everywhere I look it's just…her everywhere."

"Your mom kept that house because you girls grew up there," he says soberly. "But…to be honest her and I talked awhile back about selling it even before everything happened. It's a bigger house than we really need."

"It doesn't feel like home without her there." Daphne says sadly. "She was the one who made it home."

He nods in agreement. "So I think its a decision we have to make together."

"I'd be okay with moving," Maddie admitted. "Actually, I'd be kind of relieved. I wouldn't mind living at your house with Scarlett."

"Me too," Daphne says after a minute. "I mean Mom will be with us wherever we go, right? It doesn't matter what house we live in as long as we're together."

"Right," Maddie hugs her sister close. "We'll always take our memories with us."

It is a small bit of comfort for Deacon to see the two of them close again. They've seemed so distant the last year. But Maddie is stepping up now, and growing up. They both are.

"Well it's something to think about," he says. "We don't have to decide anything right now."

They get real quiet for a minute, then finally Daphne slides down off the tailgate and goes to climb into the truck. "Next stop?" She says as she leans out the window.

"You got it."

"Hey," Deacon stops Maddie with a hand on his arm before she goes to do the same. "Listen, I just want to tell you something. I know you want to be strong for your sister, but you can cry. Get mad, even. You don't have to be strong all the time."

Maddie nods her head soberly, and leans over to kiss his cheek. "I know. That goes for you too, Dad. You know what mom told me once when I had a bad day? She said it's okay to break once in awhile, because we're all a little broken."

"That's how the light gets in."


	4. Chapter 4

He knows this one is going to be the hardest. It's why he saved it for last.

All three of them just sit there in the truck staring at the tiny strip mall that houses the Bluebird Café for god knows how long until Daphne finally speaks.

"This is where you met Mom," she says in a small voice.

"Yeah," Deacon clears his throat. "Yeah it is. This is….where it all started. I guess she probably told you the story a bunch of times."

Sometimes it feels to him like it was just yesterday, even though it's been 28 years. Maybe they only got 10 months with the rings on their fingers and the ink on the marriage license, but in all reality him and Rayna were a part of each other's lives in some capacity for almost three decades. And that, he thinks, is something to be proud of. It's more than a lot of people get. It's a life that is damn good.

Maddie reaches for her sister's hand and squeezes it hard, and the tears are already running down her face. "Will you tell it to us again anyway?"

It's a struggle to find the right place to begin, to put into words how much one little place like this could change the course of everything. Even these sweet beautiful girls sitting next to him might not be here if he'd been as much as five minutes earlier or later than night.

So Deacon tells them the story again of the night him and Rayna met, closing his eyes and reliving it in his mind. "Well I was playing an open mic here with my friend Vince and when we were finished, we were getting ready to leave but I forgot something in the backroom," he said, shaking his head as he remembered. "I went back to get it and when I came back out your mama was just getting up to the mic to sing. And I just…couldn't look away. She was sixteen. And she just had this…presence around her when she sang."

 _"You ready?" Vince socked him on the arm. He had his guitar case slung over his shoulder. "Come on, the night is young. I got drinkin' to do and girls to pick up at Tootsie's."_

 _"You go on without me," Deacon said absently as he leaned against the bar, not taking his eyes off the red-head that had just walked up the microphone. Well this should be interesting, he thought. She was gorgeous, alright. And young. She'd grabbed the attention of every person in the room just by walking in the door. But could she sing?_

 _Vince followed exactly where his gaze was directed, and smirked. "Yeah right Mr. One and Done. She'll never fall for your lines, she's smarter than that. You can tell."_

 _"Yeah, whatever," Deacon muttered. "Just get on out of here and I'll catch up with you later."_

 _Vince shook his head and disappeared into the crowd, and once again Deacon turned his attention to the front of the room._

 _"Hey y'all," she said brightly. "Well I'm Rayna Jaymes and this is…well, I guess this is my first attempt at this, so be easy on me."_

 _A titter ran through the crowd, but you could feel it. He could feel it. There was an energy in the air that you were in the presence of something great._

 _She opened her mouth and started to sing an old Patsy Cline song, and he was gone. Absolutely lost to everything else around him except her. Every note seeped into his skin to the point where he could feel it tingle in his toes, his fingertips, literally in his blood._

 _He had to work for a second just to make his brain function enough to ask the bartender for a pen and a napkin._

 _By the time Rayna Jaymes finished her song, he'd finished one too._

"That's when you wrote A Life That's Good?"

"Yep. I didn't sing it to her for a long time, though. Saved it for our first anniversary."

Yeah, Vince had been right about that "one and done" thing in a way. Because as soon as Rayna walked into his life, there was never anyone else that really mattered. She'd grabbed hold of his soul from the first note he'd ever heard her sing, and never let go.

"When she started singing that night… that was it, you know," Deacon says, forcing a sad smile despite the tears gathering in his eyes. "She was so pretty… but your mama, she wasn't just pretty. When she sang, it was like….the whole world stopped to listen. I fell in love with her the second I saw her." Just one second. And it had changed his entire world.

"Do you think she was your soul mate?" Daphne whispers next to him.

"I don't think it. I know."

And Deacon realizes suddenly that the safety of the numbness that he's been holding onto for the last three weeks, with all he's done today with the girls has finally melted away. He's been trying to be strong for them just like he promised her, trying to hold it all in, but it hurts so bad, almost worse than it has at all up to this point, to face the stabbing reality that Rayna is really and truly gone. Some part of him inside is so completely broken that he feels like he's been ripped into tiny pieces and stitched back together with all the pieces inside out. Suddenly it's hard to breathe, and he rolls down the window in the truck to let some air in, but that doesn't help either. The pain is in his chest, in his soul, suffocating him as he tries to hold it all in.

"Dad," Maddie says, teary-eyed, reaching over to touch his shoulder as she watches him try with everything he has to keep it together. "You said it's okay if we cry. It's okay for you too."

His eyes meet both of theirs, and once the tears start falling, it's like a floodgate has been opened. He pulls Maddie in, and with Daphne between them, he can finally let it all go. It's the first time it's really happened. There's been so much time in the public eye the last few weeks, everyone's eyes on not just him but the girls as well. _How are you holding up?_ They all ask. _We're doing fine,_ he keeps saying. What they expect him to say, he has no idea.

It finally feels real. She's gone. And it hurts like hell.

"I miss her so much," he weeps brokenly as he lays his head on the steering wheel.

"We know, Dad. Us to."

Their hands on his back are a bittersweet comfort, and it's several minutes before his sobs subside. He raises his head and looks at the girls next to him. Their expressions are sad, but their sweet hugs and "I love you"s make the tears fall a little slower.

"I love you too. Both of you. You know that, right? You have to know that."

"We know, don't worry," Maddie gives a little laugh.

Everything good and sweet and right about Rayna that she has left behind she has put into them. They are her greatest legacy, better than any song she's ever sang. They ARE her final song.

"Listen," Deacon says, swiping at his eyes. "I don't know how we get through this. But we're gonna be okay. I promise you that. Maybe not right away. Maybe not even a year from now. But we'll be okay as long we stick together."

Both of the girls nod their heads.

In front of the Bluebird, people are starting to line up for the first show of the night.

"Should we go in?" Daphne asks tentatively.

"It's up to you."

"I don't think I'm ready." Maddie whispers. "But soon."

Exhausted, Daphne leans her head on her sister's shoulder. "I think I just want to go home. But I hate being there without Mom."

Deacon kisses the tops of their heads, and then starts the truck again. "I think I have a better idea."

Instead of going home to the big too-quiet house, they drive away from the city and head for the cabin.

This is the first time the girls have been here. Him and Rayna been meaning to bring them up for months, and time just got away. _Maybe in a few weeks when we have some free time… maybe next summer…._

 _"_ It's beautiful up here," Maddie says, tracing her finger over the ancient pictures of him and Ray onstage that line the walls in the hallway. "Mom always said you bought the cabin as a present for her."

"I did," Deacon confirms. "When she got nominated for her first CMA award."

It's hard not the miss the Eternity sign over the door that Rayna had put up all those years ago. It has such a deeper meaning now.

"I like it," Daphne says as she thumbs through the pile of records on the end table. "It's nice and quiet up here. Can I go pick my room?"

"Have at it. We can come any time you want."

He'd bought the cabin so they could spend the rest of their lives here together. And now, he will gladly share it and all the memories attached to it with their daughters.

After getting the girls settled in for the night, Deacon sits on the top step of the wide back porch, eyes closed, taking in the sound of the crickets chirping and the frogs , the quiet but steady rush of the river waving against the shoreline, with a guitar in his hand. He needs this. The peace AND the guitar.

He can almost hear Rayna's voice. _Don't you ever say you're done with music. It's too much a part of you._

It's the first time he's picked it up in three weeks, since the night at the hospital when he sung her to sleep. His fingers don't want to work at first, his hands shake, his voice is raw from the breakdown earlier. But the words from an old song slip out tentative at first, and then stronger.

 _Sometimes, it feels like I'm so far away  
Like everything I love has lost its place  
When life gets the best of me  
I just close my eyes and see_

 _Fireflies dancing in the yard_

 _under the blanket of stars_  
 _The sound of that rusty string guitar  
Playing songs we know_

 _And all that I have to do_

 _is think one little thought of you  
And I'm back home, _

_I'm right back home_

He can almost picture her sitting on the top step next to him.

 _We're all a lot stronger than you give us credit for, Deacon. Including you._

And he thinks of that sign again _._ How long is eternity? Just one second. Sometimes a second can change everything. Bring a person in your life for 28 years that became the center of your universe, your soulmate, your other half. Take that person away just as quickly, leaving you suddenly facing half a lifetime on your own.

 _I believe everything, all of it, happened for a reason so we could be right here in this place and time._

He thinks of the two half-grown girls sleeping inside, and how it's going to take every ounce of his being to make sure they get raised up right the way their mama would want.

He tries not to think of the album they never finished. That'll come in time.

Instead, he just sings.

 _The rivers between us_

 _are deep_

 _And dark as the secrets_

 _we keep_

 _Stand on the shores_

 _Time running by at our feet_

 _Oh the rivers between us are deep_

 _Our love is like the moon_

 _Rising to fast_

 _Fading too soon_

 _This night will soon be gone_

 _Help me hold on….._

With a heavy-hearted sigh, his voice trails off, and he put his head down on his guitar, a couple fresh tears on his face that he quickly swipes away. Shakily he rises to his feet and turns to go into the house, but something out of the corner of his eye sparkles in a glint of moonlight a few feet away.

He sucks in a breath as he picks up the tiny silver band, lodged in a crack between a pillar and the wooden deck.

"Now how the hell did that get out here?"

Memories come flooding back fast and furious, to the last time they'd been up to the cabin together last fall.

 _"Ray, not that I'm not enjoying the view, but…what in the world are you doing?" He laughed one morning when he came out of the bedroom after a shower, shirt unbuttoned and combing his fingers through his wet hair and she was on her hands and knees peering under the sofa, in nothing but a pair of pink panties and one of his old tshirts. The cushions were all up-ended, and the throw pillows were on the floor. Rayna looked up guiltily, and blew the hair back from her eyes._

 _"I lost my ring," she fretted. "I took them both off and set them on the end table last night and now the silver one is missing."_

 _"Aw, sweetheart, I'm sure it's here somewhere, but it's alright. That thing was so old anyway, I don't know why you still wear it."_

 _Rayna rose up from her knees, and cocked her hand on her hip, causing the shirt to ride up dangerously. "Why? Because it's important! Because it's from the first time you asked me to marry you, and I wanted to save it for the girls, and…"_

 _She looked so distressed now, that he saw tears welling up and he pulled her into his arms. "Don't worry. It'll show up."_

 _"This is your fault, you know," she said, informing him as she slid her arms into his unbuttoned shirt and around his waist, pinching him on the backside to make a point._

 _"Mine!" He exclaimed with a laugh, reaching his thumb up to rub her cheek. "Why is it my fault?"_

 _"You know exactly why. Because you distracted me when I was trying to read my Highway 65 contracts and we ended up naked on the couch!"_

 _Deacon smirked and pulled her in a little tighter. "Funny but all that yelling you were doing didn't sound much like complaining."_

 _Her face slid into a knowing smile. "You know, I actually think I was wrong. I might have left that ring in the bedroom." She said, stealing a quick kiss and then taking his hand and pulling him back towards the hallway._

 _"Oh you think so?" he smirked._

 _"You better come help me look."_

 _"Don't worry baby, I'll help you out, alright."_

Funny how they haven't been up here in months, and through the snow and winter weather, there's that damn ring she loved so much, plain as day in the last place it should be, like a sign from her that she's still here.

Deacon rolls it between his thumb and his index finger, examining it carefully. This ring has been through hell and back over the last 25 or so years since he'd first given it to her. It's scuffed and scratched and tarnished, been thrown away and lost, but it has always come back. And the engraving on the inside is still easy to read. _Eternity_.

 _I love that ring, Deacon. I know it's old but it's like us, you know? It survived._

He folds it into his hand and holds it over his heart, and not for the first time today he feels her presence so deeply, almost like her hand is right there on his arm saying _I've seen you get knocked down before babe. You always come back stronger than before. You're going to survive this too._

He wonders if he'll always feel her this strongly, or if it will fade as time passes and it hurts a little less.

"I love you, Ray," he says outloud. "I think I'm gonna need a little help keeping an eye on these girls, if you're willing."

He can almost feel her mischievous grin, her laughter soak into him, just like it did that first night at the Bluebird 28 years ago. The smile that crosses his face is real for the first time in three weeks as he picks up the guitar and heads for the door.

She's right. Somehow he's going to survive this. He's going to raise their daughters. He's going to keep the music they started alive. Rayna truly _has_ given him a life that is good.

It's time to put one foot in front of the other and get back to living it.

 **This is the end of this one, thanks for reading and your reviews!**


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